Proxy Characters and Wish Fulfillment

(My apologies for the risque art).
Robert E. Howard.

I once read that Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan the Barbarian, considered his most famous creation to be the idealized version of himself. In other words, Conan was who Howard wished he was, which could mean a lot of things, both good and bad. Conan is strong, determined, and powerful, but he’s also a violent, womanizing brute at times.

Regardless, Howard isn’t the first or last author to live vicariously through his stories. Whether unintentionally or not, many authors have created proxy characters for themselves or written about activities they’ve wanted to do or places they wanted to visit.

In the case of proxy characters, some are like Mr. Howard and write a character they see as the ideal they want to be or wish they were. This makes me a bit sad. There’s a tinge of hopelessness in this. Instead of realizing that dream, they settle for a fantasy. Now, it’s a fantasy that makes them money, but it’s a fantasy nonetheless. I have long said that story and art are powerful things that can teach writers and readers alike things about themselves, and while a little escapism is good for the soul, it shouldn’t become a surrogate reality. That’s why many people get addicted to television, video games, and the like. On the other hand, some authors write characters that are (often) thinly veiled copies of themselves. Now, this could be a case of unhealthy wish fulfillment, or it could be a literary device they use to make a point. As Gene Roddenberry showed with the original Star Trek, one can make controversial statements so long as it’s couched in story. I’ve seen authors—including one I know—either put their own words in their characters’ mouths or model the character after themselves. Heck, the best example I can think of is Natasha Hayden’s story in The Day After, which is pretty much her life except she’s not a spy (so far as I know).

If I’m honest with myself, I’ve done the same thing. While I wouldn’t say I modeled him after myself (at least not consciously), I must admit that sometimes I envy Jaysynn, a character I created for the Children of the Wells serial. I sometimes wish I was an athletic parkour martial artist. Well, I wish I at least matched part of that description. I’m sure with the proper effort, time, and money, I can learn martial arts. I’ve wanted to for a long time. But as for parkour…I don’t think I have enough athletic ability to do that well. I could be wrong. Perhaps with the proper training….

See what I mean by wish fulfillment? My priorities dictate that I spend more time writing than I do to be a star athlete, though I may sometimes want to be said athlete. So, as it stands, these quasi-secret aspirations are kept in the “writer’s well” in my crazy brain, from which I draw to craft my stories.

It is fun to pretend.

Speaking of Children of the Wells…time for shameless self-promotion!

Ever Feel Like You’re in a Bad Story?

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(Just because cat pictures and videos are the only thing more popular than porn on the internet). 😛

A concept that’s being lost in this postmodern (or is it post-postmodern?) world is the idea of the metanarrative: the idea that meaning is conveyed through the anticipated completion of a currently unrealized master plan. This is ironic because many modern stories still make heavy use of destiny. I think that shows there’s a longing for a metanarrative.

But I digress (I like I do on my YouTube show)…

People, especially writers, use book and/or story metaphors to describe their lives. “I’m starting the next chapter of my life,” they might say. Bob Seger’s famous song “Turn the Page” arguably implies life is a book. The best stories are ones with structure and purpose, so that means our lives also have structure and purpose. If our lives are stories, there must be a storyteller. Some call him God while others call him fate or destiny, among other names. There is comfort in that, assuming you believe the storyteller is a good one.

But thanks to cynicism, many people see life as either a pointless meandering or something to which they must add their meaning (if I wasn’t a Christian, the latter would be my philosophy). In other words, proponents of the latter write their stories. They grab life by the horns and wrestle it into submission. I’d argue that even then they still believe in some sort of metanarrative; just one they’re writing one themselves, supposedly.

I sometimes wonder how my characters would react to me, the author, since I ultimately control their fates. Yes, I like to say they “talk” to me (all authors are slightly insane), but in the end, I’m the one who decides what happens to them. I made s joke on my Facebook page that I stopped writing Hope’s War once this week with the villain being held at gunpoint, so must be annoyed with me. The thing is, if he knew what my (current) plans are for him, he might murder me, assuming he was real (he isn’t, is he?) 😛

All this to ask, Do you ever feel like you’re in a bad story?

We’ve seen/read/played plenty of terrible tales, from B-movies to dime store novels. We criticize them for their atrocious plots, disappointing endings, and obnoxious characters. But often I think we feel the same about our own lives. If the last decade has shown us anything, it’s that life doesn’t always go how we planned. We work hard but aren’t rewarded for it. The hero doesn’t always get the girl. If you’re like me, you’ve either feel like you’re in a bad story, a tragedy, or you’re an unimportant bit character. You can’t expect a happy ending because life isn’t a fairy tale.

But I’m here to say have faith in the Storyteller: He’s not done writing yet.

Someone giving up on life because they hate the script they’ve been handed would be like Luke Skywalker telling Obi-Wan Kenobi, “Screw you! I’m not cut out to be a Jedi!” Or Frodo succumbing to the One-Ring (okay, I know that kinda happened, but you get my drift). Their stories weren’t over yet. Whether they knew it or not, they were being guided by a storyteller to beautiful destiny.

There’s a joke among writers that says…well, I posted a meme of it. It might seem trite, but there’s truth in it. Did you lose your job? See it as a challenge to overcome. You have “readers” (Hebrews 12:1) who are pulling for you. Have you ever wanted to quit reading a book or watching a movie only for it to surprise you with how good the ending was? That could be any of our lives.

Your life’s a story. Go make it a great one!

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New Year’s Resolution: Downsize

It’s that time of the year when people regret all the food they ate between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve and decide they need to go to gym to lose the extra pounds—only to quit by Valentine’s Day (another reason V-Day is the worst holiday ever!)

All that to say everyone makes resolutions for the coming year (including the Children of the Wells writers and their characters), and I’m no different. My list would include stuff like:

-Finish writing Hope’s War.
-Read the 20 or so books sitting on my bedpost (at least).
-Publish at least one new book.
-Pay off more of my student loans.
-Start grad school, if possible.

But there’s something I’ve thought about doing around this time for several years. Sometimes I do a bit of it, but not enough. In fact, it weighed so heavily on me during the Christmas season it kept me awake one night (thanks, God). 😛 What is that?

Downsizing.

Now, I’m not a pack rat who needs to go on Hoarders (though I know people who should). However, I do tend to hang onto stuff that has sentimental value and/or I think I’ll be able to use later. I have sizable DVD/Blu-ray, book, and video game collections, and while I have trimmed those down a bit (they could stand a little more), what I specifically need streamlined is my toys.

Yes, toys.

As a kid, I collected several series of playthings, some of which are probably genuine collectors’ items (Transformers, Star Trek, etc.), but many were only popular at the time (like Z-Bots and Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad). I have most of these stashed in several trunks. I don’t keep them because I play with them, obviously, so the toys’ purposes are defeated. I thought at one point I might share them with my own kids, but I don’t know if or when that will happen. So, at the moment, they just take up space that should be freed up. I’m a storyteller now, hence why my focus is more on books and movies, and not a kid or a toy collector. I haven’t bought a toy in years.

He kinda looks like me, actually. (Image courtesy of Tumblr).

Unfortunately, I’m like Andy from the Toy Story films. I don’t want my toys—most of which I slaved to keep in good condition—to go to just anybody. I want to give them good homes; I want them to go to people who will cherish them the same way I did; people like a collector or an appreciative kid. (Wow! That was an excessive use of semicolons!) I know, it sounds weird. It sounds like I’m talking about a pet I can’t keep. These are just toy—hunks of sculpted plastic (and a sometimes metal). They’re not alive. Well, technically they’re not. But when I was a kid, with my wild imagination, I made them come to life. They were “friends” I had adventures with; characters in whatever goofy stories I would cook up on the spot (that might partially explain my zany mind). They were the avatars of my brainchildren. (Though some I keep because of the people who gave them to me, like deceased grandparents).

That’s the thing, though: What I cherish most are the memories those playthings gave me. It isn’t necessarily the things themselves. But barring a traumatic brain injury, I’ll never lose those memories. If they gave me this much joy, they can do the same for new owners.

I just want to make sure I find the right ones, is all. 😛

(No wonder the Toy Story films appeal to me on many levels).